I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
