Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize