I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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