a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
