People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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