he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
