He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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