He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
