Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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