i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
