i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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