Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
