There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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