I wanna bring you to show and tell
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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