i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
