He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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