she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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