Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
