he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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