you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
