im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
