I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
