I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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