"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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