I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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