Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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