your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
