You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
