so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
