but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
