We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
