so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
