2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
