he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
well you can't waste a boner
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
