I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
