if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
