Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
