goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
