i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
