He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
