you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
