he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
