Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
