Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
