Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
