That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
