U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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