The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
