I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize