Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
