Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
A bitchslap is in order.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
