Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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