Betty ford says i'm here all night
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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