You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
