he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
