I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This house was built for laser tag.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
