She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think i peed on brittanys purse
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
