Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
