Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize