Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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