You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
