I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think your dad took our porno
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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