Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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