So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
