I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
