Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
