Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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