She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
