We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize