dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
