I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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