I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
