End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
