Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize