Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
