so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
