I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
