I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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