And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
