I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
