just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
As shirtless as possible
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize