no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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