I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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