I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
