I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
