No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
