I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
