my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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