TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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