Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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