Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
