I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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